Why Many Languages Have Two Words for "You

English has one word for "you". You use it for your best friend, your boss, a stranger on the bus and the king. That makes English unusual. Many other languages have two or more, and picking the right one is a small social decision that happens every time you speak.

The same idea in different languages

• French: tu for friends, family and people your age; vous for strangers, older people and professional settings. Vous is also the plural.
• Spanish: tú and usted. In Spain, tú is very widely used. In parts of Latin America, usted is more common, even within families.
• German: du and Sie. Using Sie with someone is a way of keeping a polite distance.
• Italian: tu and Lei, the formal form.
• Russian: ты and вы.
• Polish: ty for informal speech. For formal speech, Polish uses Pan (Mr) and Pani (Ms) instead of a pronoun, and speaks about the person in the third person: "Does Mr want some tea?"

English used to do this too

Old English had thou for one person you knew well and you for groups and for people you wanted to show respect to. Over time, the polite form took over, until thou disappeared from everyday speech. Anyone who has read Shakespeare has seen the old system at work.

Other languages go even further

Japanese and Korean don't just have two words for "you". They have whole systems of speech levels. The verbs, the endings and even the vocabulary change depending on who you're talking to and how much respect you want to show. Learners often find that harder than any grammar rule.

So which one should you use?

The simplest rule works almost everywhere: start formal and wait to be invited to switch. It's far better to be too polite than to sound overfamiliar with someone you've just met.

The invitation often comes as a question. In French, someone might say On peut se tutoyer?. In German, Wollen wir uns duzen?. In Polish, Przejdźmy na ty. Each of them means roughly "shall we drop the formality?", and each one is a small compliment.

What about online chats?

Casual online chat tends to be more relaxed than real-world conversation, and people your own age will often use the informal form from the start. But if you're talking to someone noticeably older, or in a country where politeness levels matter a lot, stay formal at first. You can always loosen up later.

If you get it wrong, don't worry. Learners get a lot of slack on this, and most people will happily tell you which form they'd prefer.